A frog under the coconut shell

圖片為網上摘取。

Actually, I had decided want to leave this place, give myself another opportunities to explore to the other fields. But when I saw my colleagues working hard for the coming Chinese New Year and also worried who can handle the hamper part? Besides that, I also worried about my department, that’s why I told myself now is not the good time to leave.

After a night of consideration, I’ve took back my resign letter. Which makes me a person who breaks her promise, sigh …..

A lot of people didn’t agree I leave at this moment. They said my superior resigned, it was a good opportunity for me. I can learn to handle the department, also accumulate plenty of knowledge and experience in the familiar environment. Besides that, it’s good chance for me to become more proficient. Some of the people said, I have chance to promote; some of them asked me:“You are leaving because of pressure?”

Why just a simple action could make a lot of gossips? When I decided to stay back, they think is my company had increased my salary or given me something. Haha…if I said nothing at all, will you believe it? I couldn't control the other people thinking, so just leave it.

I just have a simple thought. First, I hope my pregnant colleagues can be at ease; second, all of my colleagues have treated me so nice, some of them were my benefactor. I really can’t just leave them like this. At least, I have to help them until the Chinese New Year; third, I need to give myself another chance to take up the responsibility. I can grow from there. It is better to face the music earlier than later; fourth, I need to have a complete have over, so that I will feel better when I leave.

When I was decided to stay back and face the challenge, I realized that these few years I have missed the opportunity to learn from my nice superior. He involved in a lot of area and fields that I don’t know before, including the people he knew, are also out of my expectation.

When we went to a function today, I saw a lot of people came to say hi with him, I really feel shocked.  How about me? I was just a person who saw the unfamiliar faces, felt myself so little.

I had only communicated with outlet colleagues in these 6 years, the outside world had changed a lot in a way I couldn't imagine. They methods have changed a lot. They could print photo right on the spot because they have narrow photo printer now. Then, they can just put your photos into the 2012 calendar frame, you don’t even have to bother who took your photos and ask him/her to send you the copy. Although I had taken few photos but I only could take one.

During the event, I see most people using their I- phone or Blackberry, and I only have my lousy hand phone, which I feel shame to use it. Not that I want to belittle myself, but I do feel that I’m out-of-date.

I almost miss the opportunity to explore the world. Now, I need to learn how to make myself become friendly when I face a lot of people.

14/9/2011

井底之蛙

原本，一隻腳已經準備踏出那個安樂窩，給自己另一片天空。怎知，看見同事如此辛苦，再想到接下來忙碌的新年，無人打理的部門和禮籃，剛剛築起的鐵石心腸，又給這些盛意拳拳的心軟融化，再也無法狠下心，一走了之。

所以，整夜輾轉難眠後，第二天，又把丟出去的信要了回來，反而成了失信的人，唉。。。

很多人，都不贊成我離開。大家都覺得，上司走了，我的學習空間更廣，應該把握此機會在熟悉的環境，吸收更多的知識，更是累積經驗的良機，訓練自己達到更專業的水平。

也有人說，這不是更好嗎？妳有機會擢昇。更多人一聽到立即說：“是不是壓力太大？”

哎哎，怎麼我一個簡單的動作，得惹來如此多的閒言閒語和揣測？留下來，大家都紛紛猜，該是公司加薪什麼的，呵呵。。。我說沒有，至於你們信不信，不在我能控制的範圍。

我的出發點，很簡單。第一，希望同事能安心懷孕生孩子；第二，這公司的同事，個個都對我很好，甚至有恩重如山的好人，我實在做不到見死不救。總得要幫忙他們度過新年的難關；第三，給自己另一個學習承擔責任的機會。唯有承擔，才能長大，早面對好過遲面對。第四，算是對自己和公司，有個完整的交代，要離開也得問心無愧！

當決定留下，硬著頭皮去迎向未來的挑戰時，才知道，這幾年來，我的確沒好好把握機會，向好好上司學習。他所涉及的層面和領域，包括交友廣闊的程度，廣到我不禁刮目相看。

尤其今天去到一個活動，他在人群中穿梭自如，到處皆有人上前來握手問好。而我，僅僅衹能望著陌生的臉孔，感嘆自己原來如此渺小。

這六年多，我接觸的，不過是在門市的人物；外頭的世界，已經變化到我口瞪目呆。人家都在現場用相片影印機，即拍即洗，甚至把我們的照片放在2012年的日曆相框，你也無須再找誰的相機，要去寄相片那麼麻煩。雖然，我拍了好幾張照片，衹拿到一張罷了。

觸目所及，大家手拿的非愛瘋了就是黑莓，而我的，是掉了幾個按鍵的破爛不堪電話，連看訊息，都不敢光明正大拿出來丟人現眼。並非自我矮化，衹是，我真的覺得自己跟不上這個時代。

哦，我這隻井底之蛙，差點白白浪費了能夠大開眼界的機會。不過，今後，我卻要學會堆起笑臉，四處和人家打交道。

不願意再當井底之蛙的海角@寫於貳零壹壹年玖月拾肆日